Dear Santa, I just want peace on earth this Christmas. Oh, and a Playstation 3

Yesterday, I read some kids' letters to Santa that were published in a small town Texas newspaper. I don't know anyone who can produce better comedy than kids. Check out this letter (any apparent typos/misspellings are the work of this kid):

"Dear Santa, Hello How are You? today and what I want like a forir to the and I like the I like has a grat chresma and or randes I to go in the like has. and the ask wat you do in the nothpole"

Here's another good one:

"Dear Santa, this is Ethan the one who asked for a dirtbike ever since he was five years old. I know that you probly don't know what a dirtbike is. I will tell you soon. Will you please listin why I whant a dirtbike. Two years ago a mounth before Christmas my uncle promised that I will get one. Then a year later he asked my grandma for some mony. Then ensted of bying me a dirtbike he bought something else. Did you know that my old teatcher told a story about you. She sad tha all her doors had doble loks and that nobydy could get in so it was santa clas. Let me tell what a dirtbike is. It is kind of like a bike but it takes gas and has a moter. It also takes fuel. I expeshly a lot faster. So will you please get me a dirtbike that will be rill thankful of you. I will do eny thing I'll even come and help you make toys. Thank you for listning to my story"

This letter was also unsigned. I can't fight the feeling that the "something else" this kid's uncle bought with grandma's money was cigarettes. Who knows?

This last one is my favorite:

"Dear Santa, how is the eers? I hope there werm. I do not rilly nowe if I have bin that good this year. In the latr you sent to me you sed I was good. I don't rilly know it thats troo. I just hope I am. Your friend, Kaitlyn

Finally, a kid who doesn't try to sugar coat everything for Santa. I think her battle with her conscience merits a visit from the Big Man. While all the other kids talk about how good they've been, citing such accomplishments as "I only hit my sister a couple of times this year" as grounds for getting a Playstation 3, this girl is just hoping she's going to make the cut and avoid a lump of coal. I hope she gets what she wants for Christmas.

Say, that reminds me--Since there's a chance I may not post again before Monday, I hope you and yours have a great Christmas, and that you get everything you were hoping for. Except that Playstation 3. Man, you're greedy.

Don't Mess With Texas. Unless You Want To.

I'm not from Texas. My wife is, though, which explains why I live here. When we moved here, I had a lot of preconceived notions about Texas. Most of them had a direct correlation with Jeff Foxworthy jokes, but after being here for almost a year and a half, I've realized that my stereotypes about Texans only apply to a pretty small percentage of people.

I guess most of my notions about Texas have been disproved. My only problem now with this state is the huge pro-Texas propaganda machine. With all the pro-Texas bumper stickers around here, you'd think that the state was running for office or something. Here are some quotes from bumper stickers I've seen on cars here:

"Don't mess with Texas"
"I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as soon as I could"
"Native Texan"
"If Mexico is so great, then why are you still here?"
"God bless Texas"

Hey, I'm all for regional pride and whatever. Being from Washington, I'm still a Seahawks fan. I love the Sonics, even though they are having a crappy season. I may be wrong, but I just can't fight the feeling that the reason for all this propaganda is that Texans have to continually try to convince themselves that Texas (as a state) doesn't suck.

A year and a half ago, I would have told you I hate living in Texas. But I've come to realize that what makes an area a good place to live is the people. I still am not a big fan of the heat, or the shortage of naturally beautiful scenery, but people here, like everywhere else I've lived, have been really nice. I like living in Texas, but I wouldn't mind if people would tone it down a little bit. I'd like to see some bumper stickers like this on cars:

"I live in Texas and don't plan on moving anytime soon. It ain't half bad."
"Texas: it's no Delaware, but I still like it."
"God Bless the USA, of which Texas is a part."
"I wasn't born here, but I got here as soon as I found out how cheap real estate was."