Full Circle

My blog has come full circle. Those of you who still read my blog may recall that my first-ever post was about how I hate to floss. A year or two ago, on a visit to the dentist, I mentioned that I wasn't a big fan of flossing and asked the hygienist about other options. She said that she hardly ever flosses, but uses a Waterpik® dental jet instead. I wanted to try one out, but found it hard to justify spending fifty to sixty bucks on something like that when floss costs $0.79.

However, due to some birthday-related generosity, I recently found myself sitting in the fabled "cat bird's seat", with a few clams burning a hole in my pocket. I also happened to find myself, once again, in the dental hygiene product aisle at the local Mass Merchandiser Mart, where I stumbled upon this little beauty:

I couldn't help noticing its sleek, modern lines, and adjustable pressure settings, along with the multiple oral cleansing tips. It was a little pricier than I had hoped, but I thought, "Hey, I'm worth it!" Ok, I didn't think that, but you get the point.

Anyway, I took it to the checkout counter, where I used cash for the first time in a really, really long time. I pulled two crisp bills out of my wallet. I thought I gave her a $50 bill and a $20 bill. When she gave me $35 change back, I said, "didn't I give you a fifty and a twenty?" She said, "I thought you gave me two fifties". I said, "I'm pretty sure I gave you a fifty and a twenty." She said "thank you so much for being honest," and looked really, really relieved, as though my honesty had just rescued her from an appointment with the firing squad.

As it turns out, though, despite my somewhat arrogant certainty about having given the cashier a fifty and a twenty, my honesty may have cost me $30. I'm pretty sure now, a week later, that I did give her two fifties, as I'm not sure I can account for all of my leftover birthday cash. It's been said that honesty is the best policy. But I say nuts to that! Just kidding. Honesty is still the best policy. Maybe my mansion in heaven (assuming that's where I end up)will be built with a tiny bit more gold and what-not. Because we all know that, in heaven, the mansions will be made of gold. And what-not, too. Anyway, it makes me feel good to know that I may or may not have paid $95 for a $65 item, because I'm sure Walmart and the Walton family are feeling the financial pinch as the country approaches a recession. I'm sure they'll write to thank me for the $30 donation.

But I digress. When I got the Waterpik® dental jet home, I tried it out, as recommended by the manufacturer, on the lowest of the ten pressure settings. I was surprised at how much more pleasant it is to have cool water irrigating my gums than to yank a piece of thread in and out of my teeth and gums. When I turned up the pressure setting, it was a little less comfortable. Level 4 was about all I could take. The manual said you should gradually work your way up as your gums become accustomed to irrigation (read, "as scar tissue and calluses form on your mutilated gums". I'm pretty sure that, on level ten, my Waterpik® dental jet could cut stone. If any of you need custom stonework done, I may be entering that market niche.

Anyway, my Plackers® dental flossers have gone the way of all flesh (or kevlar?), and have been replaced by a $65 Waterpik® dental jet for which I think I may have paid $95. I highly recommend this product. I actually like using it. I dang well better, for $95 bucks. I keep telling myself that the extra $30 was worth it, if only for the fact that I never have to stick my fingers in my mouth anymore to adhere to a conscientiously applied program of dental hygiene. I think next time I'll use my debit card, though.

Anyone still check this blog?

I just thought I'd post to see if anyone still even looks at my blog anymore. I mean, it has been more than 5 months since my last post. If you happen to read this, please leave a comment.

I'm It.

Wow. I knew it had been awhile since the last time I posted, but I figured it had only been two months or so. Turns out it's been almost four months. Nice. I think it's hard to consistently think of things to blog about, so I just don't post very often. You know what they say: if something is hard to do, it's probably not worth doing. Or something like that.

Anyway, I've been called out by one of my (three) readers and tagged. That seems like a sort of rite of passage among bloggers. You haven't hit the big time until someone asks you to tell six interesting, nerdy, or boring things about yourself. So here you go:

1. I'm in grad school right now, and my favorite class is statistics. I shudder at the brazen nerdiness of this, but I sometimes leave that class with a sort of giddy, excited feeling. I know, it kind of worries me, too.

2. I am a has-been recording artist. I've sung on four different albums, mostly as an ensemble singer. I co-produced the last album I was involved in.

3. I love jazz music. I don't like the Utah Jazz.

4. I prefer talk radio over music on my hour-long commute to school. Mostly this is because the speakers in my car are blown and there's less distortion with talk radio than with music.

5. I like watching DVR'd episodes of The Backyardigans with my two year old son. Uniqua is my favorite character. Or at least my favorite character name.

6. Maybe I'm mean, but when I go on walks with my son lately, I think it's fun to walk past the neighbor's Halloween decorations ("spooky stuff", as D. calls them). It's funny and cute how Dave stops and looks apprehensively at the skeletons, then either tries to turn around and walk the other way, or makes me hold him as we walk by. Maybe I just like to feel needed.

Stupid Ramblings, if you read this, you're tagged. No touchbacks.

Not Only Am I the President of the Medieval Club for Nerds--I'm Also a Client.

When I was an undergraduate student at BYU, I occasionally saw a group of people that I like to call the "The Medieval Club" as I walked toward the Wilkinson Center from, say, the HFAC or the Library or the JKHB. Decked out in what appeared to be such accoutrements as chain mail and other authentic nerd garb, they would practice sword play in the quad between the HFAC and the Wilk. I assume their organization is not actually called the Medieval Club, but I thought it was less stigmatizing than calling them the "Nerds Who Only Leave Their EverQuest Online Role-Playing Games Once a Week to Practice Sword Play While Dressed in Authentic Medieval Garb Club".

When I saw them, I sometimes thought to myself, "I bet I do some things that people think are nerdy, but...dang!" These guys are just subjecting themselves unnecessarily to ridicule. Maybe my college experience was different than everyone else's, but I'm pretty sure that in the BYU "meat market" of dating, chain mail and wooden swords are not your golden ticket to more dates. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's the golden ticket to fewer dates.

Regardless, on our recent trip to Utah, we stopped at BYU and walked around for awhile. While we were there, we experienced one of those rare occasions (pictured below) when fate, "The Medieval Club", and our digital camera collided in a moment of serendipity that I couldn't have conjured even in my wildest dreams.

I was a little bit disappointed that no one was wearing chain mail or any other sort of medieval or Arthurian clothing or armor, and that the gentleman with the bandana looks more like a member of the Pirate Club than the Medieval Club. But I'll take what I can get. I hope when I was taking the pictures, they thought that I was just admiring their skills in medieval warfare, rather than giddily laughing, thinking, "You poor saps just made it onto my blog!"

I know, I know--blowing out someone else's candle won't make mine burn any brighter. I'll admit that it's a little high schoolish to make fun of people for being themselves. But if I was publicly doing something that goofy on a university campus with over 30,000 students, I would hope that someone would bring it to my attention and nip my nerdhood in the bud. Ok, I'm glad we had this talk. I've really learned a lot. Plus it was really fun hanging out with you in gym class this year. Keep in touch over the summer. Class of 09 Rulz!

The Medieval Club

I think the video speaks for itself

I don't get the weather in Texas.

So I'm now a tornado survivor. Ok, so the tornado touched down like eight miles from us, but it was still sort of scary. At least it was for me, this being my first experience staring down a tornado. I guess I didn't read the fine print, but this isn't what I thought I signed up for when I moved to Texas. And I'm not just talking about tornadoes. I mean, when I agreed to move here, part of the deal was that, in exchange for suffering through the summer heat, I was supposed to enjoy nice, balmy 50 to 70 degree winters. So what's with the "Arctic Blasts" where everything ices over and life shuts down? And what's up with snow the day before Easters? I grew up in Northeastern Washington state, less that 40 miles from the Canadian Border, eh! I can't remember it ever snowing in April, for crying out loud (cue slow motion shot of me shaking my fist at Mother Nature)!

So anyway, back to the tornadoes... So we were at our house painting and laying tile two days ago, when the tornado sirens started going off. We were listening to the radio, and heard that a tornado was headed in the general direction of our house and the house where Dave was staying with his grandma. I wanted to go be with Dave so that he and his grandma wouldn't have to die alone if anything happened. I was also trying to figure out how I could maintain some semblance of manliness while sucking my thumb in the fetal position under a mattress in the closet (because we all know that's how you avoid getting carried off by a twister.). Meanwhile, Barb and my father-in-law were just hanging out, cool as cucumbers, like it wasn't any big deal.

I guess it's just Texas' way of mocking me for being afraid of a li'l ol' tornado, the way I mocked Texas for completely shutting down over a li'l ol' freezing rain. I can just picture Texas, with a smug look on her face, saying, "how you like me now, Washington Boy???"

Grad School is Diggity Dope

I think most of the two of you who read my blog also read my wife's blog, and have probably read that I'm going to be starting grad school this fall. And any of you who know how long it took me to finish my bachelor's degree know that it might take me just a scoche under four years to finish the two-year MPA program. I guess that will give me time to fulfill at University of North Texas the unfulfilled dream I had at BYU: to use every men's restroom on campus. Hey, if you're gonna dream, dream BIG!

But I digress. You might be asking, "why an MPA?" It's a question I asked myself, too. When people ask me what I want to do with that degree, I tell them that I want to administer the public. Duh. What do you think someone with a master's degree in public administration does? When I finished my psychology degree at BYU, my ambition was to earn a Ph.D. in psychology and teach at a University somewhere. Now, the thought of five or six more years of school makes me vomit a little in my mouth.

I decided on an MPA because the training is most applicable in the public and non-profit sectors. I would like to end up in a human services-related government or non-profit agency, where, at least in theory, I can still have a positive, direct impact on people's lives. Really, though, when you cut through all the fluff, it boils down to one simple fact: I want to be the King of Town. If someone's got to decide how to spend my tax dollars it might as well be me. When I see you around, I'll be sure to thank you for your tax money that paid for my plasma TV.

Missed Opportunities

Well, it's been awhile since my last post, and I know there are a few of you who have been crying yourselves to sleep every night during the two and a half months since my last post. I feel sad about the many, many tears that have been shed and all the sleep that has been lost because of my laziness. I also feel kind of sad that I missed out on some prime blogging material (what's-her-name-psycho-diaper-astronaut-lady comes to mind). Anyway, here are a few of the reasons why my blog has taken the back seat lately:

1. I didn't have time. I was shampooing my hair.
2. I couldn't be distracted from sitting around waiting for baseball season to start.
3. Why blog when you can look for free stuff on Craig's List?
4. I was ever so distraught over the passing of Anna Nicole Smith.
5. My wife had me chained to a workbench in her bracelet-making sweatshop.
6. I was looking for a house.
7. Would you waste your precious American Idol time on blogging?
8. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
9. I was too busy planning witty passive-aggressive things to say to TCU fans after the BYU basketball team beat TCU three times this season.
10. I heard from a friend that the Internet (The internet? Is that thing still around?) finally went out of business, so I thought my blog was gone. I guess I should have checked.


Anyway, I'll post more often.