That's Plaque-tastic!

Ok, I'll admit that when it comes to flossing my teeth, my habits are a bit "inconsistent". I don't floss every day. If it counts for anything, I do say to myself, "Self, you should floss tonight." more or less every night before I go to bed. Unfortunately my self usually gives some smart reply like, "Oh, no thanks. I'd rather read online articles about BYU football." Most of you are probably saying "Well, Duhhhh!" And I agree--BYU football clearly should take precedence over flossing. But flossing should be a more important part of my life. Anyway, something happened to me tonight that may forever change my views on flossing.

First, though, I think it needs to be said that I hate flossing. Or at least I hate flossing my molars. There's something unnatural, awkward, and just kind of gross about sticking both hands as far back into your mouth as they can go. I'm not sure whether it's the thought of any bacteria that might still be on my thouroughly washed hands getting into my mouth, or the thought of all the bacteria in my just-brushed mouth getting all over my fingers that gets to me. Really, though, I subscribe to the "what I can't see can't hurt me" philosophy of life. Maybe It's just a fool's paradise, but beyond a conscientiously applied regimen of teeth-brushing, hand-washing, and bathing (and a few other "unmentionable" hygienic practices), I don't worry too much about bacteria and microbes and what-not. That's the stuff of forensic scientists, doctors, and mothers-in-law.

Tonight, though, I was at the local Mass Merchandiser Mart looking for a new toothbrush (there are so many choices these days) when my wife said "I wonder if we'd floss more if we had these flossing sticks". I wandered down the aisle to see what exactly she meant by "flossing sticks". I had tried some crappy flossing product before, and hated it. However, I saw a product that tickled my fancy: Plackers® Dental Flossers.



















The dorky product name alone probably would have been enough to convince me to shell out $2.44 of my hard-earned money for the flossers, but when I saw that the "Hi-Performance Tuffloss®" was made with "the same fiber used to make bulletproof vests", I felt almost obligated to buy them. There's a certain comfort to be had in knowing that, if worse comes to worse, I can weave the fibers from my 75 Plackers® into a bulletproof vest. You can't be too careful these days. Especially with them dang ol' (I can say that because I live in Texas) Democrats in power.

As you can imagine, I was excited to get home from Mass Merchandiser Mart to try one of my new Plackers® flossers. It was pretty easy to floss my front teeth, but I couldn't seem to get my Placker® at the right angle to get to my molars. I still had to reach into my mouth, holding the head of my Placker® between my thumb and forefinger. That's when I realized that it's not the inconvenience of flossing, or the microorganism factor that keeps me from wanting to floss more regularly. OK, it's also the inconvenience factor--but I also really hate the slimy feeling of the saliva-coated floss when I'm done.













I was a little disappointed that I still had to reach into my mouth with my fingers, and was beginning to wonder if I had spent my $2.44 plus tax in vain. But then I noticed after I finished flossing that I had unwittingly missed the suggestion on the back of the package that I should "try bending the handle or stimulator pick to access back teeth more easily". What will the friendly folks at Plackers® think of next? And what the heck is a stimulator pick, anyway? I guess I'll find out tomorrow if bending this mysterious "stimulator pick" really works, or if it's just a pipe dream, like BYU's football team playing in a BCS bowl game.