Every time I give my sixteen-month-old son a bath, there is a specific protocol that I follow. Mostly this just involves pee-proofing the area that will be used to put on his diaper and what-not after the bath. Most people know baby boys are notorious for having "accidents" at non-diaper-wearing moments. Let's just say that when I hear someone talking about the "golden arches", I don't think of McDonald's anymore, if you get my drift (nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Cue camera shot of Chris Farley saying, "Eh? EH!??").
Anyway, a part of my son's post-bath routine is that, after I've taken him out of the bath and wrapped him up in a towel, he likes to watch as I roll up the little suction-cuppy non-slip bath mat thingy. For some reason he always laughs as I'm rolling it up. Every time. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe he's retarded or something, because that just doesn't seem normal to me. I'm just kidding. My kid is a genius, as you can see from the picture below. Already knows his ABC's. It's more likely that the joke's on me and he thinks I'm retarded.
So I took my kid out of the tub, wrapped him in his towel, and placed him on my lap as I sat on the side of the tub to roll up the aforementioned bath mat. As always, he giggled. This time, however, I felt an unfamiliar warm sensation on my thigh as he laughed. As I mumbled the words "oh, crap," I simultaneously wondered if my son had laughed at the rolling of the bath mat, or if he was really just laughing at the fact that he had just urinated on my leg. I'd personally rather assume that he hasn't developed the cognitive abilities required to mock me yet.
To show my son how much I love him, I my maintained my composure and attended to his needs, not changing my "saturated" pants until he was diapered and dressed, and not until after I ate dinner and read a book for an hour or so. I'm just kidding. I changed my pants and washed off my leg with a baby wipe (if they're good enough for him, they're good enough for me) right after I got the kid in his jammies.
Anyway, I was on the brink of annoyance at this whole episode, but then it just kind of made me laugh. I guess only your own child could pee on you and have you laughing about it. Hey, isn't that the punch line of a joke?
6 comments:
the funny thing is- he's probably not kidding about just wiping his leg off with a baby wipe. that's what i love about you hunnee... it's the little things.
touche.
I referred the kid to the Mensa Society for testing...
i meant it ever so lovingly!
nothing is more precious that your own offspring taking a leak on your leg. way to go dave...sorry mg.
Eewwwie. That's why they invented potty training. So, what does that make this...t minus 8 months?
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